WE NOW RETURN TO OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAM
ALREADY IN PROGRESS…
Quiet! My favorite show's coming on...
Wait. What the heck-a-majeckle!!!! A commercial.
Oh man … No way!
First they preempt my favorite TV show with a Public
Service Announcement. It was the pilot episode,
which I've never seen! Who knows what I've missed
… And then it resumes into a commercial. No way.
I AM SO MAD!
Uggh!!! … Alright Junior. Calm down. It'll be back
in a second.
And, by the way, I can't believe they called that
a Public Service Announcement. It was a stinking
'test of the emergency broadcasting system.' We
got to see a test pattern and hear a high pitched
screech for sixty seconds. What's the point of that?
Thanks a lot!
It's nothing like the Public Service Announcement
we had just before that one, that's for sure. The
one that got us here in this mess. Now, that was
a PSA! Pretty much saved my hide.
But this boring commercial does give me a chance
to go to the bathroom. Or have a snack. Oh yeah,
a tasty snack would be great right about now…
Like that birthday cake full of burning candles
Mom's holding. Sure looks good, but NO. Mom's giving
me that look. Gotta wait another twelve minutes
more…Until it's officially my birthday.
Yeah, you're probably a little confused.
If I'm not mistaken, last time you peeked in on
me - back when I was King of the Universe - my family
and friends were singing 'Happy Birthday' to me
as I was about to turn from Ten to Thirteen.
And we were just about to escape from those nasty
witches and warlocks and ogres riding that ginormous
slimy fart-flaming-dragon. You remember, those evil
guys who wanted to make me a slave to that nasty
magic wand that would make me do the most horrible,
unthinkable things. Like destroy all of time, space
and every dimensional universe. That kind of stuff.
And remember, it was down to the last stroke of
Midnight and they were either going to enslave me
forever, or we were going to yodel out of there
and begin a whole new fantastic, outrageous adventure.
I know. I was all excited too, on account of what
that snaily-dude said. You remember, the one who
always shows up claiming to be 'My Editor.' He promised
we were in for some amazing and EXCITING new adventures.
Yeah, so then they went and interrupted everything
for that Public Service Announcement. (The real
one that interrupted my life. Not the test pattern
that interrupted the pilot episode of my favorite
The real PSA that said they'd decided to do Daylight
Savings early this year. And they turned the clocks
back an hour.
The good thing, of course, was that those witches,
and warlocks and ogres had to turn the ginormous
slimy dragon they were riding right around. I don't
need to tell you we all gasped a huge sigh of relief
when we watched the dragon's fire farts propel them
further and further away back into the voids of
The major bummer, of course, was that setting the
clock back also meant I had to stay ten years old
for another hour. I'm supposed to be 13!
And it isn't only getting me down because I have
to be a kid again for another hour, but also because
we can't yodel out of here until the clock strikes
Midnight again. I'm the only one apparently who
can override the spell they cast on our Yodel Bus.
But they're really strict about the 13-year minimum
yodel-and-drive age in these parts, so we can't
yodel our escape until the betwitching hour.
Yeah, so I was feeling pretty low as you can imagine,
having to wait another hour to blow out the candles,
and all. Good thing they're the kind that never
go out till you blow them out. Mom's arms sure must
be getting tired, though, holding the cake so long.
Anyway, then I noticed my favorite TV show was on.
It was the end of an episode I'd already seen, but
I love that show so much I didn't care. Suddenly
I didn't have a worry in the world. I was in TV-heaven!
And then when the episode was over and I was feeling
all warm and fuzzy, well, you're not going to believe
this, but they said the Pilot Episode was up next,
and I'd never seen it! Naturally I was glued to
the TV, riveted to every word, absolutely sure I'd
died and gone to heaven.
Then just when it was getting even more exciting
than I could have ever imagined, they went and interrupted
it for that fake emergency-broadcast-test-PSA. Can
you believe the nerve!
Yeah, you noticed I've been avoiding telling you
what my favorite TV show is, huh. Well, it's just
that everyone's been teasing me for the last 48
minutes about it. I'm sure you'll be making wisecracks
about it, too.
But I don't care. I love that show!
Alright, I confess. I'm addicted to The Last Peace
You know, the show about that really cute Princess
Maya, the 12 year old who travels all throughout
time, space and every dimensional universe, battling
the forces of evil, despair and greed.
Wait. Really? You never heard of it. Are you serious?
They don't have it in your cable line-up! Oh man,
it's just the most amazing show ever…
Yeah, I know, The Last Peace Wizard isn't exactly
the title of a TV show you might normally expect
a just-about teenage action-loving guy like me to
be watching. I know, it's about a PEACE wizard…And
the star is a girl!
But Maya, the Last Peace Wizard, who's my age (or
at least the age I'm SUPPOSED TO BE!), is the most
beautiful girl I've ever seen. And besides, Junior,
her magical sidekick looks just like me!
Of course no one else sees the resemblance.
can he look like you -- he's a dog!" my best friends
Merle and Artie, groaned at the same time, when
I made the mistake of mumbling this simple observation
while I was glued to the TV set.
So, he's a dog. Still looks exactly like me! I thought
to myself, but didn't open my mouth, or even blink
at all. How could I divert my attention even for
a second -- the Pilot-episode was on, and I'd never
seen it before! There was no room in my brain for
any other thoughts. Annoying questions, birthdays,
witches, shipwrecked Yodel-buses and everything
else was just going to have to wait until my show
As the opening credits rolled to a close, I tuned
out all the commotion that was fighting to get my
attention while I turned the volume up on the remote
to help drown it all out -- Uncle Sly still arguing
with the on-deck Computer, trying to get it to take
us somewhere, anywhere, before the witches got back;
Mom and Dad, Aunt Betty and Uncle Barney, Aunt Annie
and Uncle Mike, each trying to catch poor Uncle
Sly's ear with their brilliant suggestions; Aunt
Muffie, purring as loud as she could to drown out
all the noise so she didn't miss a stitch in her
knitting; Merle and Artie shaking each of my presents,
tossing them back and forth across the bus, trying
to guess what's in them; and my Sister Ellie trying
to catch Six Pack as he bounced around the bus,
turning from one to two to four to six meowing kittens.
I didn't hear any of it. Because there she was up
on the screen, Maya, the Peace Wizard, sitting quietly
at sunset in the most beautiful place I could ever
have imagined. The colors that danced on the hill
and the mountains and lakes it overlooked were amazing.
They danced in her eyes as she sat in the center
of a circle with the Council, gazing lovingly at
them all - her family and friends she would be leaving,
are our only hope, Maya," her mother whispered.
"You are the Last Peace Wizard to leave Peacetopia.
The War Witches have gained so much power that we
must close the portal, forever, or until peace prevails
on earth and in all of time, space and the other
Now it all made sense to me. Maya had always spoken
about the beauty of Peacetopia while she was on
her adventures. Now having seen it, and felt it's
wonder, I knew how hard it was for her to be away
from her home, and why she was so driven to bring
peace throughout all of time, space and the other
dimensional universes. Only when peace prevailed
everywhere would Peacetopia be safe.
And then that lousy emergency-broadcast-testing-PSA
came on, practically shattering the windows on the
Yodel Bus before I could turn down the volume. And
with the perfect addition of insult to injury, these
boring commercials followed.
I just don't know how I'm going to be able to wait
until the show comes back…
Hang on a sec. I think everyone's trying to get
my attention. They're pointing out the window on
the side of the bus. There's somebody out there
but they're all standing in the way so I can't see
I…I don't believe it…
It's The Last Peace Wizard!
© 2000-2011 Robert Alan
The People For Peace Project